October 31, 2010

New Rules for a Better World -- Episode I

Inception

Normally I am never busy, NEVER! But the last three weeks have been tough. Probably for the first time in my life, I’ve been really busy! All this busy-ness made me angry and frustrated that the world is not a perfect place (if it is, I’d never be busy in the first place!) And now I want to dedicate the rest of my life to help (in my own small way) transform this world a better place to live. I plan to achieve that by proposing some new rules now and then -- here goes!

New Rule

Tweeters: I happened to tweet my first new rule @twit2g2

New Rule

The only time people should be allowed to say, “I love my mom!” is when they are explicitly asked, “Do you love your Mom?” 

Now you may think what could be wrong in saying that. There is nothing wrong with the concept, it just insults my intelligence. This is how an innocent rant about the quality of mess sambar is converted into a fake Bollywood interview.


I don’t know if girls pick this habit from Koffee with Karan or the Filmfare magazine but they better realize that they do not have to go out of their way to say that they love their parents. It is assumed you love your mom unless otherwise stated!

New Rule

If someone is smoking 10 feet away from you, you’re not passive smoking, you’re just passive smelling!

I am a neutral nonsmoker. I don’t mind if people smoke around me. I don't really enjoy the odour but I do not put a disgusted expression on my face nor do I wave my hands in front of my nose and follow it up with a condescending stare at the smoker. But I am afraid we’re a dying species!

Nonsmokers are increasingly turning into obnoxious self-righteous assholes who just can’t stand anyone smoking in their vicinity! The worst part is that they think they're doing a favor to humanity which is followed by an exemplary display of moral highhandedness! When you question if their behavior is fair towards the smokers, they always give that passive smoking bullshit.

I agree that passive smoking is dangerous if you work for 10 hours a day in an ill-ventilated office full of smokers but when you’re 10 feet away in an open space? Come on… You can’t inhale the smoke even if you want to. You just get a scent! And not liking a smell is not a valid reason to claim a high moral ground! If you don’t like the smell, it is your problem. I don’t like the smell of public toilets but I don’t go around telling people not to pee do I?

New Rule

Not every intelligent quip or a silly coincidence is an Inception reference!

Aren’t you tired of inception references, especially the ones that got nothing to do with the movie itself? After a lame inception reference, don’t you feel catching the culprit by the collar and yell at him, “How… how is that anything like inception?” You don’t feel like that? Well, I do.

I was walking to class with a PHD guy after a particularly wholesome lunch feeling like a python that just swallowed an alligator. I casually remarked to him, “I am feeling so lethargic that if an accident were to happen here, I wouldn’t rush to help the person!” Just two minutes after I said that, some guy fell down from the bus near the bus stop! The PHD guy turns to me and says, “Wow that was like inception!

It makes me wonder, how come anything slightly intelligent or mildly coincidental is now seen as an inception reference? I think it is intelligence that is becoming uncommon… almost like a dream we vaguely remember!

P.S: For the record, I never hang out with PHDs.

Indibloggers.. this post on indivine here --> http://bit.ly/aVwN3M

October 13, 2010

Padma Awards: High time we question them



For those who don’t know me personally, most friends call me g2. I am in a long term relationship with c2, my imaginary cat! c2 speaks with a sexy Spanish accent like Penelope Cruz while g2 whines like Woody Allen. Read the rest of our conversation my new article at The NRI here --> http://bit.ly/aHwKL0

October 6, 2010

Really weird Google searches that have led people onto my blog!

I thought I should get an insight into what my readers are like. So I went through my Google Analytics data and now I really really regret my decision because the insights are very disturbing to say the least. Below is the list of really weird Google searches that have led people to my blog in no particular order!

1. TRAITS OF LAZY OF LAZY HUMANS ; LAZINESS IN ANIMALS ; CLASSY LAZINESS
Seriously Google? I stick to blogger even though Wordpress is so much better. I work for 5 hours on each blog entry and  this is what I get in return?

2. ACCORDING TO HINDU CULTURE WHAT LUCK IS IT WHEN A PIGEON SHITS ON YOU?
I am no expert on Hindu culture but I am guessing the answer to be bad luck!  http://bit.ly/a21CKR

3. IS IT OKAY TO LEAVE SPIDERS IN A FISH TANK? ; WHICH BUGS MAKE GOOD PETS?
I am hoping for the sake of the poor spider that it is not the same person who asked both the questions!

4. DO ANIMALS PROCRASTINATE EVOLUTION?
Yes, that is why they are still animals. Had they been working instead of procrastinating, they’d have evolved into procrastinating humans by now :p --> http://bit.ly/bVdB7u

5. BEAUTY FOOL PIGOUN'
Excuse this guy, that was “beautiful pigeon” spelt in Bihari (I think)


6. COMPLETE HISTORY OF HITLER IN URDU
I am sure  you're disappointed that you did not find what you were looking for, so here it is -->

7. WORST IIT
I know I can get a little wacky from time to time but I never thought I’d make a dent on the brand image of IIT Bombay!

8. IIT MUMBAI COURSES OFFERED TO GENERAL PUBLIC
Hey doofus, IIT does not offer any courses to the general public. This is a “premier” institute that offers “premier” education to the “premier” intellectual royalty of India!

9. HOW GOOD IS COMPUTER SCIENCE IN IIT BOMBAY 
I won’t dignify that question with a response!

10. NO GIRLS IN IIT
You got that one right!

11. WHO IS GIRL IN AIRTEL FIVE RUPEES RECHARGE AD
Wait... Whaat? The first thing that came to my mind after reading this question was “chillara naa yaala”!

12. HOT ORISSA GIRAL; PLEASURE ME 
This is where Google searches get really creepy!

13. GIRL WITH GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR
Wow, even I never thought of Googling that! So once, I saw this, I just couldn’t resist but Googling the same and this is what I got in the results! It is not one of those phone numbers that are scratched on the walls of sleeper class toilets in trains! This girl actually turned out to be quite funny... you should try it too!

14. FREE HTML TEMPLATES FOR GIRLS HOSTEL
Not a good idea sweetheart, not a good idea especially with blogs like these around! http://bit.ly/95TYkR

15. TELUGU PEOPLE ARE DUMB 
Hey, that was offensive! I am guessing Google was showing my blog to convince him/her that we’re NOT

16. SHARJEEL IIT 
Dude, I think the CIA is searching for you :p