Project: Become Normal Again

An old school friend of mine came to Bombay and I spent the whole weekend catching up and talking about old times. It was a great relief spending time away from what I call the "usual intellectual nonsense" which includes reading dozens of articles on science, politics, humor, religion, philosophy etc. and follow it up by deep thought, connecting ideas, looking for patterns, gaining perspective, commenting, sharing and debating about things that has nothing to do with anything going on in my life. It is fun and satisfying. But I also realized how far I have gone from being "normal".

Thus Project: Become Normal Again was "incepted"! My first course of action was to get away from IIT and NOT spend time with IITians (especially my philosophically inclined friends) and try to "live in the moment".

Living in the moment is easy. All I had to do was not think much before speaking, not analyze the funny things that I spontaneously say, not observe those silly things people do, not make mental notes of life's little ironies as they happen, not scrutinize the little hypocrisies we all are part of, not read those hundreds of editorials on national politics and stay away from all the “usual intellectual nonsense” I am usually immersed in.

Living in the moment was simple and straightforward. I rediscovered that talking about what “people are up to” can be as interesting as trying to understand "why people do what they do!" Narration suddenly felt better than ideas. Counting how many girls in our school are already married was fun. Not using advanced statistical analysis methods for inferring generalizable insights into the career paths of young women from semi-urban areas was even more fun!

It was a weekend well spent. I wanted to finish it off attending a birthday party of another school friend. Most of the people at the party were her colleagues at TCS. I pondered if on an average day they have more fun on than I do by doing the simple things and living in the moment.

As the party progressed, I felt we lived in two completely different worlds. I wondered which world I really belonged to. I could feel the restless friction in my thought process. I began to appreciate the fact that everyone is capable of a different personality depending on the environment. I lamented that not everyone appreciates this amazing fact like I do.

I was in the middle of a rare intersection between two of my worlds. I was trying to define these worlds and capture the differences between them. I could see the little differences and the individual beauty of each world. I was amazed by the complexity that lied beneath this simplicity. I was now convinced of my near-invincible ability to switch between worlds and “live in the moment” at will.

Then it struck me – that I was not “living in the moment”; that I was no longer away from my “usual intellectual nonsense”; that I can never be away from “my usual intellectual nonsense”; that I am way past the point of no return. This has to be the ultimate FML.

P.S: Speaking of generalizable results, I think from this blog post we can safely infer that anyone who comes up with “Project: Become Normal Again” can never be normal! 

P.P.S: I really hope this wont affect the number of party invitations I get!

g2 vs. Problem Solvers of the Worst Kind

Chapter 1: Traveler g2

I love traveling but I also hate packing. These forces of love and hate ensure I am in a perennial state of internal conflict. But when I do travel, they usually are long train journeys. The special thing about long train journeys for guys is what I call the “five minutes of hope (F-MoH)”. It’s those five special minutes between getting onto the platform and getting into the train where one does not rule out the possibility of sitting next to a hot girl for the next 24 hours! It never happens in real life and yet we guys never learn to get over it! Our mojo needs the F-Moh! This raises a more important question, “What mode of transport do the hot girls use?” (Hot girls, please comment. We really need some answers here!)

Chapter 2: Problem Solvers of the worst kind

Every train journey needs a ticket and getting it is not easy, especially for the 80% of the people who plan their journey just one week in advance. A few years back, it was impossible for an aam aadmi to get tickets just one week in advance. It was because the travel agents used to block tickets and hoard them to sell at a higher price in the last minute. Ah! The nerve on those travel agents who take the aam aadmi for a ride when all he wants is a ticket! Do they think they can just get away behaving like the mafia?


Not, so easy fellas because our folks at the railways, being the wonderful problem solvers they are, came up with a superb idea to solve the problem. Their solution: TATKAL. So the money we used to pay to the travel agents now goes to the railways. Problem solved – at least that’s what the folks at the railways thought!

But the travel agents are like the mob, they won’t lie low for long. So two or three years into the system, getting an online tatkal ticket is impossible at eight in the morning. Getting it at the railway station – next to impossible. People are sleeping there all night to be first in line! And who are these people sleeping all night? The agents of the travel agents themselves! So once again, aam aadmi is forced to crawl back to the travel agent but now he has to shell out extra money to both the railways (as tatkal charges) and the travel agents.

So much for solving our problems. Our folks at the railways truly are problem solvers of the worst kind. And remember: the mob travel agent eventually gets to you.

g2 vs. Problem Solvers of the worst kind

With the scars of traveling in sleeper class of Konark Express in peak summer with 130 Oriya people in the coach still fresh, I was determined to travel AC for my return to Bombay. Getting a tatkal ticket is difficult, but getting an AC ticket in summer is almost impossible without contacts. So I made a couple of phone calls but all my contacts soon reached dead ends. I either had to go to a travel agent or do it myself and I chose myself.


Day 1: I was at the station at 4:30 AM; there were 20 people in the queue and there were only three reservation counters. I did not stand a chance – retreat.
 
Day 2: I chose a sparsely crowded counter this time and found myself third in queue. I stood a chance this time. It was 7:50 and the clerk hasn’t arrived yet! He came at 7:55, but there were two people accompanying him into the office. Travel agents! (those sons of bitches), the clerk was on their payroll! The first two tickets went to the travel agents. I was essentially fifth and my turn came at 8:06. But it was too late, just 6 minutes after the reservation opened and I had to go back empty handed but at the back of my mind I knew that I live to fight another day. 

Day 3: Did not wake up. 

Day 4: Unexpected relatives at home, so ditched going to the station.

Day 5: Relatives still at home; booked a bus ticket as backup.

Day 6: The D-day. I knew this was the last shot but I had it all planned. This time I went to a different counter at 11 PM the previous night, parked my bike, slipped in a fifty to the guy at the parking lot and gave him my reservation form along with the exact instructions.

"The parking lot guy is to keep an eye on the reservation counter and hand out my reservation form to the first person that stands in the queue thereby automatically reserving the second spot for me."

This time, it worked. I went leisurely at 6:30 AM and yet I was second in line. I was sure (from gathered intelligence) that no travel agent will jump the queue at this counter.

At 8:03, it was my turn… I was nervously waiting as the clerk efficiently types in the form and says, “AC 3-tier not available, take sleeper”. My world kind of came crashing down. But this time, I was determined to go all the way and so I said, “try AC two-tier” to which he said, “yes available!”

That was it – a moment of elation. I was overwhelmed with joy. It was not just a personal victory; its a triumph of human will against inhuman adversary. I was somewhere between cloud nine and seventh heaven when I got some perspective and said to myself, “Dude, all you bought was a stupid return ticket, get a life!”

Just as I was on the way back home with the ticket, dark clouds from the south-west smeared the sky hiding the rising sun making the morning darker than dawn. The monsoon has finally arrived. It started to rain thereby making the AC ticket kind of redundant! 

IPL: Perspective and English Lessons

Chapter 1: The Indian Purists League

Now that the IPL is over everyone is going to miss it not because it was better than the previous editions; not because of the exciting run chases not because of the cheer leaders or the IPL party nights but because it is better than anything else on TV!

Now that the IPL is over, everyone is going to miss it, especially the ones who hate it. Those self-styled, self-proclaimed “intellectual” cricket purists who insist that checking out the score of a test match once in two days during the office hours is much more fun than watching Shane Warne bowl to Sachin Tendulkar in an exciting run chase in a packed stadium under lights. They are definitely going to miss hating the IPL!

Some “purists” went to the extent of comparing the IPL with all its fireworks and hot girls with professional wrestling. I’ll agree that IPL is excessively commercialized, that the cheerleaders are distracting and a lot is happening off the field but the bottom line is, its only sport.

So dear purist, if you still insist it is entertainment, I think you need some perspective and English lessons… I’ll give the English lessons first :p

Chapter 2: English Lessons

Entertaining and entertainment – they are not the same words!

You see, the IPL may be entertaining but not all entertaining things qualify as entertainment. Our politicians in the Parliament put up some really entertaining shows from time to time but that doesn't mean the telecast of the parliamentary session on Doordarshan is reality TV. It's pretty much the same argument for the IPL!

For the grammatically challenged, here is a dramatic illustration ;)

Chapter 3: Perspective

P.S: Summarizing what we learned today, IPL is sport, not entertainment!