Don't be that guy: Professional Candy CrusherThis guy was at the bus stop. His bus was on the other side of the intersection stuck in a traffic jam. He realized it would take eighty more seconds for the bus to reach the stop, so he took out his phone and started playing Candy Crush. Right there on the road at ten in the morning with twenty other people rushing to catch the bus!
I was impressed with his commitment to crushing candies and his Zen-like demeanour while he was at it. Maybe that’s his passion in life. Like how Sivamani makes music by clinking his morning coffee cup with a tea spoon.
So I installed Candy Crush on my phone to see what hidden gems it has. And by the time I was on level six, I couldn’t help but wonder how boring that guy must find reality that he cannot bear sixty seconds of it. What exactly is his brain subconsciously avoiding? Excel sheets? Emptiness? Original thoughts? We may never know.
Don't be that guy: Birthday song charanam singer
Don't be that girl who uses the phrase 'Golden words are not repeated'What the hell does that even mean? It doesn’t make any sense. I first heard it when I was 6 years old. I found it extremely annoying. I recently heard someone say it again. It still sounds as gross as a hippo in a thong.
Don't be that guy: Vegetarian Thoughts
Don't be that guy who orders Mocktails at treatsI know as a teetotaller, you volunteer to double check the order, collect all the 'lost and found' things, make peace when things get boorish, nod profusely when the conversations get “deep”, check on folks who lock themselves up in the rest room, give water to the dehydrated, take care of the tips, and finally herd people into their respective autos/taxis late in the night. We are ever so grateful for all your sober services but do you really have to order those mocktails?
I mean that thing named ‘Designated Appletini’ is actually Tropicana mixed fruit juice in a funny shaped glass. ‘Queens Punch’ is Nimma soda. No one should be paying 350 rupees (plus tax) for Nimma soda. That too from the drinks budget. Seriously, don’t be that guy!
If the real reason you order mocktails is for the selfies, please go kill yourself. Just eat a holy religious book of your choice and choke on it and die. No blood. No gore. It’s very elegant. If you want to take it slow, go to a forest and handcuff yourself to a tree and throw away the key and starve to death. That would be interesting too.
Or even better, you can sign up to my new web based start-up www.dropmypiano.in. Just give us your name, email and mobile number. Specify a place and a time and we’ll drop a grand piano on your head. Money back guarantee if you don’t die!