June 14, 2009

D for Dogmata

The other day I was in the bus stop waiting, whistling and generally feeling good and then I saw this really cute dog being walked by this really hot girl(I just had to mention it). Then the dog pooped and the girl picked it up! This never happens in India and just the thought of it made the "generally feeling good" feeling vanish almost instantaneously! It reminded me of this Seinfeld monologue.

"On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs, and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags, which to me is the lowest function of human life. If aliens are watching this through telescope, they're gonna think the dogs are the leaders. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop , the other one's carrying it for him who would you assume was in charge?"

But I didn't just stop there. I started imagining how the world would look like if this were true. For 2 days, I saw everything in that frame of mind and it was quite funny. Try to think of a design for a car that a dog would like... Like really big wheels on which you can pee and stuff like that!

So eventually my mind went on to the entertainment industry... and guess what...

gToosPhere is proud to present a few snapshots of the alternate universe.

1942: Casablanca

The legendary line from the movie,
"Here's looking at you, kid"
would have to be slightly modified for the audience...

1974: The Godfather would of course be

2001: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone would be

Doggy Potter and the Philosopher's Bone

... The story would be pretty much the same, our little "Doggy Potter" is just another pup which is treated like a "dog" at his guardian's place and then a huge hairy guy comes and takes Doggy to the "The Dogwarts school of Bitchcraft and Dastardly" and then yada yada yada... the philosopher's bone... whatever!

2006: V for Vendetta becomes
"D for Dogmata"

I reconstructed the very famous introductory monologue by replacing all the V's with D's and surprisingly, it makes just as much sense as the original! A tough job but I did it anyways! It goes like this...
"But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Doila! In diew dumble daudevillian deteran, cast dicariously as both dictim and dillain by the dicissitudes of fate. This disage, no mere deneer of danity, is a destige of the “dogs populi” now dacant, danished. However, this dalorous disitation of a bygone dexation stands divified, and has dowed to danquish these denal and dirulent dermin, dan guarding dice and douchsafing the diolently dicious and doracious diolation of dolition.
The only derdict is dengeance; a dogmata, held as a dotive not in dain, for the dalue and deracity of such shall one day dindicate the digilant and the dirtuous.
derily this dichyssoise of derbiage deers most derbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me D."

and here is the poster...

P.S: I probably violated a 1000 copyright laws for this post. Also I don't have any money, so I give permission to sue google for everything without which none of this would've happened.

June 3, 2009

Se7en random things about me

I've been tagged by apnerve last week in a "meme" and now I am supposed to propagate this "meme". This is apparently called a "Seven-Random-Things-About-Me" meme.

Rules: As per the rules of the game, I am supposed to paste the rules of the game... so here goes

* Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post.
* Share seven facts about yourself in the post.
* Tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs.
* Let them know they have been tagged.

History: Basically some self obsessed narcissist nutcase got bored and decided to write some stuff about himself and wanted to ensure at least 7 people read it and this was subsequently propagated by more self-obsessed nut cases and now is my turn. This theory also satisfactorily explains the technical term meme(ME-ME).

The common complaint is that people don't track back and I think I figured out why. As per a weird mathematically proved theory of social networking, every person in the world is connected to every other person by not more than 7 acquaintances. By this rule, Osama Bin Laden is going to be tagged and he will write the 7 things about him which will eventually lead to his capture and the person responsible for his capture gets a cool 5 million dollars. (Looks like our self-obsessed-bored-Narcissist blogger actually happens to be an OverAmbitious-OverOptimistic-SelfObsessed-Bored-Narcissistic blogger!

Now the 7 RANDOM things about me...

1. I day dream of myself as a person who will eventually make a couple of national award winning movies, retire by 40 and teach in the high school from where I studied in Rajahmundry.

2. Like all other great artists from time immemorial, I painted the last supper too.

I think Judas "nailed" it there

3. I HATE my gmail ID.

4. To not like a song composed by Rahman for me is blasphemy.

5. I am proud of my recently acquired photography skills even though most of the credit should to the gorgeous European landscape: http://picasaweb.google.com/mail2g2.rdl

6. I accidentally voted for the congress party in the state assembly elections recently.

7. I think se7en is a really big number.

Here are the people seven people I want to tag

1. pavan - because his blogs are very interesting and it is time he wrote something funny.

2. scott adams - because I have been every blog entry of his for the two and a half years.(btw he blogs almost everyday)

3. KD - because I want him to read my blog.

4. samhita - because it was after seeing her blog I felt like I should have one too.

5. Ashok - because his blogs makes me wish I had the ability to appreciate poetry.

6. prachur - because I am running out of people I know who blog

7. apnerve - because I want to see what happens if I tag him.