June 14, 2009

D for Dogmata

The other day I was in the bus stop waiting, whistling and generally feeling good and then I saw this really cute dog being walked by this really hot girl(I just had to mention it). Then the dog pooped and the girl picked it up! This never happens in India and just the thought of it made the "generally feeling good" feeling vanish almost instantaneously! It reminded me of this Seinfeld monologue.

"On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs, and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags, which to me is the lowest function of human life. If aliens are watching this through telescope, they're gonna think the dogs are the leaders. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop , the other one's carrying it for him who would you assume was in charge?"

But I didn't just stop there. I started imagining how the world would look like if this were true. For 2 days, I saw everything in that frame of mind and it was quite funny. Try to think of a design for a car that a dog would like... Like really big wheels on which you can pee and stuff like that!

So eventually my mind went on to the entertainment industry... and guess what...

gToosPhere is proud to present a few snapshots of the alternate universe.

1942: Casablanca

The legendary line from the movie,
"Here's looking at you, kid"
would have to be slightly modified for the audience...

1974: The Godfather would of course be

2001: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone would be

Doggy Potter and the Philosopher's Bone

... The story would be pretty much the same, our little "Doggy Potter" is just another pup which is treated like a "dog" at his guardian's place and then a huge hairy guy comes and takes Doggy to the "The Dogwarts school of Bitchcraft and Dastardly" and then yada yada yada... the philosopher's bone... whatever!

2006: V for Vendetta becomes
"D for Dogmata"

I reconstructed the very famous introductory monologue by replacing all the V's with D's and surprisingly, it makes just as much sense as the original! A tough job but I did it anyways! It goes like this...
"But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace soubriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. Doila! In diew dumble daudevillian deteran, cast dicariously as both dictim and dillain by the dicissitudes of fate. This disage, no mere deneer of danity, is a destige of the “dogs populi” now dacant, danished. However, this dalorous disitation of a bygone dexation stands divified, and has dowed to danquish these denal and dirulent dermin, dan guarding dice and douchsafing the diolently dicious and doracious diolation of dolition.
The only derdict is dengeance; a dogmata, held as a dotive not in dain, for the dalue and deracity of such shall one day dindicate the digilant and the dirtuous.
derily this dichyssoise of derbiage deers most derbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me D."

and here is the poster...

P.S: I probably violated a 1000 copyright laws for this post. Also I don't have any money, so I give permission to sue google for everything without which none of this would've happened.


  1. It's funny and lame, make it lamely funny or funnily lame, like u want it to be, it ends up being an oxymoron ;)

  2. nice :).. but wo "hot girl" ke bare mein thoda aur likhta to jyada interesting hota :P

  3. The post was about "D for Dogmata" not "G for Hot Girl"...fatte...mote...yeh sab gmail pe thread banakar, sabko add karke poocha karte hai...ha ha

  4. It's funny... the hot girl appeared only briefly, that too in the first line!

    But still, that is the only thing that people are commenting upon!

  5. Just a thought...thank god people don't have elephants as pets :)...cleaning their poop would be a task...nice post...and if i find other movie titles that can be fitted into this i'll let you know ..:)

  6. yeah sure.. this is open source :) you can add anything you want to

  7. by the way, did u know u could add a copyright? go to my blog, look after the last post, u'll see a creative commons license, jus for the kicks! :P


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