June 27, 2010

It's not Che, its Cliché

What’s in a name?” said Shakespeare, “That which we call a rose; by any other name would smell as sweet." – This has to be the most annoying cliché EVER! Everyone from editorial columnists to noob bloggers use it. I wonder why? Are they trying to prove that they are well versed with Shakespeare? Do they really think that we’d fall for such a lame quote? Here are some more clichés that really piss me off.
The suffix-gate scandal: Why is the Indian media trying to ape the American media? First they are naming cyclones and then they add a –gate suffix to every silly scandal! Don’t they know that the average American is considered dumb? It has been almost 35 years since Watergate scandal. The American media has moved on and we’re still giving names like Slap-gate, IPL-gate, Tweet-gate… like losers. Media people, I hate you enough already; don’t insult my intelligence. 

Think outside the box: if I get to choose one phrase that I do not have to hear again, it’d be “Thinking outside the box”. “Think outside the box” is so cliché that it is now inside the box! The box has grown bigger and it has swallowed the phrase.

Isn’t it ironical that a phrase that was invented to motivate people to think beyond clichés is now a cliché? That brings me to irony. I bet half the people I am acquainted with don’t know what irony exactly means. So learn it, and do me a favor –don’t use it.

F***: I hate it when people conceal words with stars and write them as f***. Who are they trying to protect by using all those **** and @#%^? Even a twelve year old knows what f*** means. Are they trying to look polished or something? If they really want to protect the kids from the bad words, why give away the 'F'? Just print four stars and keep them guessing. However, if you insist on using it, use it like a man!

At the end of the day: This is one my all-time favorite bullshit lines. What does it even mean? “End of the day” – End of the day what? From my personal experience, people use it when they are losing an argument and it is usually followed by the words ‘it all boils down to… ’ and they repeat the same loser argument stating them as inevitable but improvable truths. Use it only if you are a loser. 

Ballpark: If you are trying to impress people around you by using what you think are sophisticated words, get a life asshole! I know you picked up the word from the Economic Times. Why would any normal person right in his mind use the word ballpark when you can use the words ‘roughly’ or ‘approximately’?

To be (perfectly) honest with you: Was that person lying all this while? And what the hell is “perfectly honest”? It’s either honest or it’s dishonest. At this juncture you might be tempted to say, “The world is not black and white” but remember that is in the extended list of clichés I hate. 

I’d be more than happy to: Again, do they really mean it when they say it? Seriously more than happy as in delighted, blissful, ecstatic, exalted, joyous? “I’d be rolling in ecstasy to take care of your dog for the weekend” doesn’t sound right does it? There is a reason the phrase sucks. 

Literally: I have friend who literally uses literally so many times that I am beginning to think she literally. has no brains. A fly landed on her nose the other day and she said, “A fly literally landed on my nose” How can a fly non-literally land on someone’s nose? Hi honey, if you’re reading this, you can thank me by buying me a muffin. You’re welcome.

The newspapers also use it a lot. Haven’t we all heard during the election season something like, “It was literally a landslide victory”? The only scenario in which this sentence can make sense is if all the people who are planning to vote for the other guy are tragically buried alive in a landslide the day before the election. If that happens, you can hail it as a literally landslide victory. 

You should give 110%: For the last time, there is no such thing as 110%. 100% is the maximum you can give. The phrase was probably coined by a frustrated basketball coach during the half time of a match his team was about to lose. Needless to say, the frustrated coach flunked math in highschool.

And finally: It's not Che, its Cliché - 

This list in no way is comprehensive. I just wrote down a few I could think of. Having said that, I’d like to add that I’ll leave no stone unturned towards my campaign that seeks to end this abuse of language. If we start the campaign right away, we can still touch base and save the language in the nick of time. But I have a sneaking suspicion that, from time immemorial, intelligent people have been trying to do this but at the end of the day, I am sure that it all boils down to whether I walk the talk as well as I can talked the talk. Well some things are easier said than done. 

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1 comment:

  1. I was locked inside a box for a while. Whilst I was incarcerted I was able to do some thinking. Eventually I was allowed to leave the box, so these days I prefer to literally think outside of the box.


don't be lazy