November 13, 2010

New Rules for a Better World -- Episode 2.0

A couple of weeks back, I embarked upon a quest to change the world for the better. I intended to do it by sitting in my chair and delegating some new rules. And then, I took a break, burst some crackers, had an awesome Diwali. And now I am back with more rules, *follow them*!

New Rule

Not every statement you type on facebook deserves a smiley!

Don't people use punctuations anymore? I don't want to come across as a grammar Nazi but what the hell does, “Hey long time how are you :p” even mean?

Folks, :p is a very special smiley. It's one of the best there is! It's the only way you can abuse people without offending them. Use them judiciously and with purpose. Stop abusing :p!
The power of :p

New Rule

Married female bloggers, stop mentioning your husbands as ‘A’, ‘P’, ‘E’ or whatever the first letter of his first name is!

This is a very minor thing but I still feel it needs to be addressed. I wonder why married women have trouble mentioning their husbands' name in their blogs. It's not very uncommon for a married woman to write something like, “I was having this incredibly romantic and wonderful dream where I almost hugged Shah Rukh Khan in Switzerland but ‘D’ woke me up with his trademark snore

Why the 'D'? What can possibly be so sensitive about a man’s first name? It’s not like some hot Swede is going to stalk him or snatch him, especially with all that snoring!

New Rule

We need more mirrors everywhere!
Sorry but I couldn't think
of any one else :p
There are a lot of malls and shops with glass doors in Mumbai but clearly they are not enough. Haven’t we all seen fat girls with really high self-esteem dressing up like a size-zero Kareena Kapoor and walking around with their shopping bags? They’re the reason we need more mirrors on every wall. We need to show them what they are inflicting upon us lesser mortals!

All such people, may be fitting into those clothes is an achievement for you, an achievement that you are probably proud of. Optimism is a fine lifestyle choice. I don't want to deflate your "I can fit into this" spirit but try stay out of public places while you're at it.

Why single out fat people in tight clothes, let's add all those brown people with blonde streaks on their hair to the list. They are the worst!

New Rule

Just because Picasa 3 has an “upload to facebook” button does not mean you upload EVERY pic!

Do you have friends who upload their pics direct from the digital camera to facebook without any editing, filtering, or quality control of any sort? I know you do. Chances are that it’s a chick with like 2000 profile pics! All of us have friends like that. It is one of those shared experiences that make us human.

All these people do is pose click upload, pose click upload, pose click upload… Their albums are infinite loops of badly focused duplicate pictures with someone in the background picking his nose! Why can't they spend some time filtering out those bad pics? It’s not like they don’t have time to filter them out. After all, they are on facebook 12 hours a day tagging 300 people in each photo! They just don't have standards. The world would be much better with some standards don’t you think? You’re welcome!

There's a reason pics like these should not be uploaded!
P.S: Indibloggers, this post on indivine here -->


  1. There is a reason to upload the last pic :)

  2. Yes, this pic had a reason... I was just using it as an example (out of context)

  3. Hey,
    Visiting this blog after a long time. The sarcasm and humor in your posts is as fresh as ever :D. And maaan, these rules are really worth propagating. I could related to each one of them, both in Part 1 & Part 2!

  4. If you think they're worth propagating, then you should!
    Visiting after a long time huh? I hope you make up for the delay by reading all the old posts :p

  5. I wish you used a ':P ' somewhere around the fat girls dressing syndrome :P

  6. I was careful with my smiley use, especially in this post ;)

  7. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle....
    :P is the new full stop. It's as if FB users are trying to pack in as many emotions with P's, D's :) and ;) Took me a while to get used to it.
    And most Indian women suffer from reverse anorexia...All that tightly packed lard is an eyesore. Btw who is that unfortunate girl?

  8. That is a relatively famous item girl in south indian movies named Namitha. Don't worry, I am not invading any girl's privacy if that is your concern ;)

  9. better example is this : and some other pics in the album

  10. have you observed that your last 5 posts are on criticizing internet behaviour ..
    proving that you don't have a life beyond it !!!

    blog this, twitter that, facebook stuff - what's going on

  11. I cannot agree more.

    I hate it when people put too many ..........s in b/w words when it is never required. And, "lol :))))))))" will followed by most of the sentences/phrases. It is very irritating.

    And abt uploading pics - i wonder why the hell people upload all the 125 pics taken during a birthday party or a get together! Do they think they are worth others time?

    I absolutely loved the post, G2!

    BTW, Wish you a very very Happy New Year!

  12. Thank you Shalini... You haven't been writing much lately?

    Wish you a Happy new year too!


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