June 7, 2011

People and their phones

The age of the mobile phone being a convenience is over. They are now part of our bodies. I am not saying we’re all cyborgs who are useless without our electronic prosthetics. No, Not yet. But we’ll eventually get there. If you’re thinking that my prediction is ridiculous, then explain why society expects you to carry your phone everywhere you go and answer it every time it rings irrespective of where you are or what time of the day it is?

Tool or Not Tool

I use my phone like I use my iron box. I tend to leave it in my room unless I am absolutely sure that I’d need it. For me it is just a tool – more useful than an iron box but ultimately, just a tool. Apparently, this point of view is against social convention. That is the reason I, as a human being, am constantly yelled at for not answering the phone.

The reasons why I don’t answer phone calls are usually deep. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to you. It’s more like I want to talk to you but only when I really miss you. And people don’t respect that sentiment!


It sounds lame because it is the truth! Do you really think if I wanted to lie to you, I’d come up with a story that involves putting the phone in a corner and forgetting about it? Don't insult my intelligence!

Besides, this is not a big deal. All my friends have figured out their own ways to reach me. Some people send me text messages that usually read, “Pick up the phone!” or “call me back”. Closer friends send more aggressive texts like, “call me back you idiot!” or “what is wrong with you?” Friends in IIT usually contact me either by calling other people in my hostel or sending foot messengers (juniors) if it the matter is urgent!

People who Call Me

Forgetting the phone in silent mode happens only when I attend a class which in itself is quite rare. Sometimes I don’t answer the phone because I am in the middle of doing something. Like listening to a guitar solo or a deep interesting thought. But in situations like these, I do call back promptly within ten minutes. Even then, the first thing that people ask me is, “Why didn't you answer when I called?” or “What were you doing?

If I tell them that I was thinking deeply and did not want a phone call to disturb my train of thoughts, they take it real personal, accuse me of giving lame excuses and may even conclude in private that I am an obnoxious asshole!

Had I told them that I was in the middle of a useless meeting, it would have been a perfectly legitimate reason! It proves that humans sometimes prefer a bullshit lie to a lame truth. How come being in a pointless meeting is nobler than trying to improve my mind? These are the kind things I think about all day. These people make me think about those things. And then they complain that I don’t answer their calls! Now tell me whose fault is it really?

The Smarty-pants Phone People

Flicked this one from Flickr
I don't care much about my phone but there are people who consider their phone to be a physical part of their body. A part so private, that they just hate the idea of someone getting near it. Sometimes you casually go, “Hey nice phone” and try to take a look at it. They just go livid, “Whoa Dude… careful! That’s my phone! Did you just try to touch my phone? What the hell man! What is wrong with you?

What can we do? Some people are very touchy-touchy about their phones. Why shouldn’t they? After all cell phones – especially the ones that respond to touch – are very sensitive pieces of equipment. May be that is why they are always protected carefully in specially designed covers that hold them tightly in place while giving just enough breathing space to ring and vibrate!

The Bad Memory People

Then there are some who claim that they “cannot imagine life without a cell phone.” People with bad memory I would say because most of them were alive some ten years back when we all actually lived a life without being drenched in electromagnetic radiation emanating from our pants!

The Always-on-the-phone People

Image courtesy: businesstravellogue.com
Of course we all have friends who are on the phone all the time. By all the time, I mean literally all the time. Eight to ten hours a day! The kind of people who remind me that George Bernard Shaw got it right when he said “youth is wasted on the young”!

Have you ever wondered what they talk about? Because if they’re on the phone for 10 hours a day, then it follows that they are not doing anything in life which implies that they’ll have nothing to talk about. But then they are still talking! And it baffled me.

Being a man of exceptional scientific temper, I did a little research (eavesdropping) on my own. It turns out their conversations usually involve describing what is happening around them. And it’s not like they’re in the middle of a war zone or a football match to have something interesting to say all the time! They give a live commentary of their lives as it happens. Except that they have no life! On the boring scale, it’s equivalent to describing the growth of a tree in real time!


The most disturbing experience in this area happened to me a couple of years back. I had this friend of mine who had this reliance to reliance unlimited calling with his girlfriend. I had some work with him. As usual, he was on the phone with her. I asked him if he had a few minutes. He nods at me and said, "Honey, stay on the line for 15 minutes, I have some work"


<-- additional reading

The non-stop-texting People

The only people who are worse than the always-on-the-phone people are the non-stop-texting people. I don’t even want to dignify their lives by making fun of them on my blog! People who are continuously tweeting their their facebook updates from their Blackberries deserve a special mention here.

The-SMS-Forwarding-People

Have you ever wondered who actually writes those chain SMSes that everyone keeps forwarding to everyone else every morning? I wonder if someone is actually paid to do that. As an unwilling recipient of a lot of chain SMSes from people whose numbers I never even cared to save, I speak on this subject with considerable authority.

Those 20 friends you have who spam your phone first thing in the morning with good morning messages don’t really care your morning! They don’t give a shit about what kind of a day you had. All they’re interested in is paisa vasool! You see, these people have “invested” 30 bucks in an SMS pack using which they can send up to 3000 messages in a month and they don’t want them to go waste! You are a mere cog in the wheel of cheapness that encompasses our whole society! How do you feel about that?

DeaR Frnds, eVerY mObiLe pHone uSr mUsT kNow aBt dis. sHaRe iT wd all ur fRnDs nd mK ds WrLd a BTtr Plce. guD Mrng B)



22 comments:

  1. ROFlized..
    Totally relate to all these characters with people I know...
    I have friends who used to play counter strike matches while talking to their gf's overnight. I never knew how did mind manage to function in that way... 
    loved the post!

    aJ

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  2. OMG! CS while talking to their gfs overnight? They must be the best multitaskers in the world! 

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  3. After plenty of similar experiences, I finally stopped using a mobile and it feels so great now.

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  4. yeah.. we Sony Ericsson owners are lucky. Our phones don't last that long ;) 

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  5. totally rollickin post - loved it ! especially the reliance connection friend of urs kept me in splits !!

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  6. This is legend stuff here. Nice job :)

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  7. Thank Priya. I'm pretty sure Alexander Graham Bell is turning in his grave as we speak! ;) 

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  8. Thanks... a big #win for me coming from you! 

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  9. I read this and felt relieved. I thought I was the only one who ignored their phone for days at a time. My friends refuse to believe that anybody could not have their phone attached to their hip every minute of the day. I have a Sony Ericsson too. Does that mean it's time to give up mobile phones? (Yes please?)

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  10. loved the iron-box analogy and the physical extension of the body metaphor ... murderously brilliant ... :)

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  11. @google-79ee9ef55b40cd22deb2ccf5545194ac:disqus Welcome to the club. I think Sony Ericsson makes us hate the concept of a mobile phone altogether! 

    @openid-59873:disqus Thanks :)

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  12. Awesomeness my dear sir. Pure unadulterated awesomeness 

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  13. That was hilarious. I guess I love my phone a little bit as it is convenient. But that's it. :)

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  14. I used to be the one who never cared for the mobile phone. Now I am in long-distance relationship with 7 hour time difference between us. simply put, we can barely make half an hour of talk time between our job schedules, sleep, travel time etc, etc. Mobile is the life line of our relationship. I love Blackberry IM for that.

    What I am trying to say here is that priorities change in life and with that change the necessities. You think you will never use mobile more than a phone in life and make fun of others but then life might take a turn and cell phone might be the only thing in your life that might be keeping you sane..Great post, BTW.

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  15. I used to be the one who never cared for the mobile phone. Now I am in long-distance relationship with 7 hour time difference between us. simply put, we can barely make half an hour of talk time between our job schedules, sleep, travel time etc, etc. Mobile is the life line of our relationship. I love Blackberry IM for that.
     
    What I am trying to say here is that priorities change in life and with that change the necessities. You think you will never use mobile more than a phone in life and make fun of others but then life might take a turn and cell phone might be the only thing in your life that might be keeping you sane..Great post, BTW.

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  16. mobile phones have a become more a bane than boon... I am on similar lines with you... I find cellphones more of nuisance ....
    well written post :):)

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  17. Thanks. I was not complaining against the mobile phones. I am complaining the way people use it or expect you to use it. I am sure I'll someday do most of the things (except the SMS thing) I have listed here :)

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  18. His gf seems to be cool! Wow! She actually likes hearing her bf swear every 5 seconds ...

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  19. This post was like the story of my life. Most times I hate answering phone calls so much solely because at that point of time I just don't want to make conversation.

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  20. Interesting categorisations..I kno everybody on that list..!

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  21. hehe! You write really well and this is damn hilarious! good work!

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don't be lazy