December 10, 2011

Inventions S1E03: The Great Nation of Gultisthan!

Friends, Gultis and Countrymen,

I have had enough of these demands for a separate Telangana, a separate Rayalaseema, a separate Sreekakulam etc. I cannot stand to see my gult brothers fighting amongst themselves dividing our motherland using anything other than caste.

It is time to think big. Great leaders sometimes have to take harsh decisions. Here is mine. Pro-Telangana people, I have decided to expel you from our state. You can have your Telangana. Just take it and go. You can even go ahead, take Northern Karnataka and Vidharbha too and form a “Brotherhood of fucked up provinces under the erstwhile Nizam” for all I care but let me be very clear about this. You did not fight and “win” your separate state. You got it because we gave it!

Fellow gults, do not worry about the loss of Telangana. Consider them as the prodigal brother who will come back to us once he realizes how difficult life is. In the meantime, let us continue thinking big. 

Remember Madras Presidency? Boy those were the days when there were no autos in Chennai, Chennai was Madras and everyone in Madras spoke Telugu! We should aim for that kind of domination instead of wasting time fighting these petty bifurcating and trifurcating battles. Yes gults, it is time we fight for The Great Nation of Gultisthan! Spelt with an ‘h’! (Dear every country from Turkmenistan to Pakistan, I’m sorry to tell you but you don’t know how to spell your countries. Love, Gultisthan.)

Geography

With the expulsion of Telangana, we have to let go of Hyderabad. We’ll need a new capital. Let’s take Chennai back!

Historically, we built the city together and then they (the Tamils) took over and named everything after Anna! It is time for us to reclaim Madras. Let us revive the “Madras Manade” movement. (Remember the M&M Revolution™©®?) Here’s an excerpt from Wikipedia:
Madras Manade 
In 1953, Telugu speakers of Madras Presidency wanted Madras as the capital of Andhra state including the famous slogan Madras Manade (Madras is ours) before Tirupati was included in AP. Madras, at that time was an indivisible mixture of Tamil and Telugu cultures. It was difficult to determine who should possess it. 
Panagal Raja, Chief Minister of the Madras Presidency in the early 1920s said that the Cooum River should be kept as a boundary, giving the northern portion to the Andhras and the southern portion to the Tamils. In 1928, Sir C. Sankaran Nair sent a report to the Central Council discussing why Madras does not belong to the Tamils. Historically and geographically it was a part of the Andhra region. It was Damerla Venkatadri Nayakudu of Recherla Velama caste was provincial governor in 1639 from whom the English sought to take permission to set up a factory. 
The increasing political dominance of the Tamils from early 1920s at both Central and State level politics caused Madras to remain in the Tamil region. According to the JPC report (Jawahar Lal Nehru, Bhogaraju Pattabhi Sitaramayya, C. Rajagopalachari) Telugu people should leave Madras for Tamils if they want a new state.
And that is how they took our Madras away. It is time to win Madras back and change the name to Medrasu because how is that we roll.

We will also lose considerable amount of land after expelling Telangana. My plan is to take a part of Karnataka to make up for it. Besides we can use some Iron Ore and Bangalore!

The Great Nation of Gultisthan
Oriya people may want to join us. They have a lot of cultural relations and natural resources but with the poverty and Maoist problems, they come with a lot of extra baggage. We’ll take a decision about the fate of Oriya people at a later date.

Economy

With the annexure of Medrasu (formerly: Chennai, formerly-formerly: Madras) and Bengaluru, we’ll have a naval base, a strategic port, the whole IT sector, two IPL teams, R. Ashwin and Deepika Padukone. So our economy is in safe hands.

The Revolution

The process of annexing these territories has already started. Bellary, Tumkur and Raichur are already ruled by gults for all practical purposes. Our soft power tactics are working wonderfully in and around Bangalore where the cultural domination is quite mature too. Gultis are being arrested almost everyday for scams in Karnataka. If that is not domination, I ask you, what is?

More than 25% of Bangalore speaks Telugu. There are an estimated 1.35 crore Telugu speakers in Karnataka, so it is only fair we have some of their land too! People of Karnataka might get a little upset about this but they are nice people. I am sure they will understand and look at this as an opportunity to bring Mysore back to its past glory.

While the Tams are busy making fun of their brahms, trying to answer age old philosophical questions like “Why this kolaveri di?”, and giving war hero like welcomes to their politicians returning from the conquest of Tihar, our people are infiltrating their territory by the thousands to take Madras from the inside.

Tamil People, do you guys seriously believe that all those gult engineering students on Mahabalipuram Road are there to study engineering? Do you have any idea how many engineering colleges we have? They are the future #OccupyMadras protesters.

Mark my words people, mark them well. The process has already started. The clock is ticking. Fates are changing. The wheels are in motion. History is being rewritten. Things are happening as we speak. The revolution is just a matter of time. Gult Greatness shall soon be realized. 

Gultisthan Zindabad!

42 comments:

  1. so ... telugu people reproduce in large volumes that they can over spill into 3 other states + america ? :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, after we annex New Jersey and Texas, we'll form a common wealth :) 

    ReplyDelete
  3. Max awesome. Gulteland Zindabad.! Gultisthan Zindabad.! 

    ReplyDelete
  4. After that, we will also demand Delhi and South-Mumbai be included under Gultisthan. They will be like Andaman is to India, Hawaii is to the US and Taiwan was to China.

    ReplyDelete
  5. అమ్మ బాబోయ్!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "the whole IT sector, two IPL teams, R. Ashwin and Deepika Padukone. So our economy is in safe hands." Classic Jayanth Big Thumbs Up to you ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. First , Telangaana people also speak Telugu , they are also 'gults'
    Second, as old saying goes if you repeat a lie again and again eventually fools believe it be true, it is those fucking politicians who need telangaana not the people,but they got brainwashed first those poor villagers and next educated fools. I deeply regret what my motherland is facing now......

    ReplyDelete
  8. The irony of this idea is in the name itself, the 4 lettered word with various degrading meanings...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Man, you are something else altogether. Since it is not permitted by avar kalchur to touch yeng bwais feetsu, I bless you. May you be the with Dheerghayishu. Maybe even Shataayishu. avec haasyam. tres.

    ReplyDelete
  10. that is why I have proposed an expansion of the state instead of division ;) 

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you thank you. Mee laanti vaari dheevenalu chaala avasaram :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well, Jayant, this post has some of the best one liners you have ever written. Some of my favourites are-
    Mark my words people, mark them well.
    If that is not domination, I ask you, what is?
    all those gult engineering students on Mahabalipuram Road are there to study engineering?
    People of Karnataka might get a little upset about this but they are nice people.
    You got it because we gave it!

    I don't know what more to expect this week! You are on a roll. Every post gets better than the previous one :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Super one.. Created a facebook page for this :) Also, attached the extract of T.Prakasam's autobiography about his view of Medrasu :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fuck you Jayant. You stereotyping son of a bitch.

    And fuck all these hollow minded fuckers who take pleasure in mediocre stereotype jokes.
    Go do something productive.

    ReplyDelete
  15. gud work. demand with logic. but it does not work. every river should start from some place.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Thanks man... really appreciate :) 

    ReplyDelete
  17. Just chimpi chata chesav babai!

    Post adirindi.

    ReplyDelete
  18. this post shows how fucked up your mind is...i hope while writing this post you are in kerala trying to occupy it and include in your "whatever"isthan.

    ReplyDelete
  19. hahaha..deepika = gult?? lol .. if thats true, you can as well call rakhi sawant a gult..

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ew! Why would you want Rakhi Sawant to be a part of our club? 

    Once Bangalore is annexed into our territory, Deepika Padukone will get citizenship by naturalization.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Mamatha with a 'h'". Liked the style. Proud gult!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Some people don't get sarcasm and humour. They are special.. like you. It's ok to be like that. That is perfectly normal. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. “Brotherhood of fucked up provinces under the erstwhile Nizam”  You got it because we gave it!Fellow gults, do not worry about the loss of Telangana. Consider them as the prodigal brother who will come back to us once he realizes how difficult life is.

    These sentences are enough to piss off anyone. 

    ReplyDelete
  24. Why don't you take a knife and cut ur ass ?

    ReplyDelete
  25. ask around... but for me its "greatest unmatched language telugu".

    ReplyDelete
  26. They are meant to amuse... 

    ReplyDelete
  27. "trying to answer age old philosophical questions like “Why this kolaveri di?”, and giving war hero like welcomes to their politicians returning from the conquest of Tihar, our people are infiltrating their territory by the thousands to take Madras from the inside" A mighty bow down to that! had me in fits of laughter!!! Rachcha in gulti ;)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Although you ruffled some unnecessary feathers, I say you did a fantastic job bro. Keep up the sarcasm..or wait,was it sarcasm really now?:P

    ReplyDelete
  29. Good one for laughing (not for KCR)!

    I only have one problem i.e. with Deepika Padukone. 

    I may not qualify completely to be a gult but I have one question: what are we going to do with all that land when people haplessly were obsessed with caste?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Too Awesome!! Especially the Students on Mahabs road! LoL! Im also living close to that road..nenu kooda join ipotanu sir revolution lo!! ;) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  31. spread your wings and annex malaysia and singapore as well... :P they will be satellite states of gultisthan.. :P :D

    ReplyDelete
  32. really stupid..... they took Hyderabad and now u gonna do with madras(chennai)...
    I appreciate ur spirit but not ur plan. build something where it has nothing..... The point is there is no difference between u and telangana....

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks for taking this seriously. No one else does :)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Niggars, Gults, Dravidians,

    Its time for the Turks to fuck gultis and take up rest of andhra and tamils, hyderabad is sane bcos of its multicultural heritage, turk conquest and cos of hyd is where these fuckers get their glory Gulti madarchods got a land with out any struggle, got a country without any struggle, maya ke laude live for their caste.

    ReplyDelete

don't be lazy