A finger for each ring

The fundamental problem with marriage is that it comes only in one size. As far as legality is concerned, matrimony is a monopoly product supplied by the government! From what I observed in Hollywood and American primetime television, the proposal is more important than the marriage itself! I am not sure if normal Americans are like that but going by the Daily Show (with Jon Stewart), it seems so!

I am no authority on marriage but I don’t see what experience has to do with giving advice so here I go.

My advice to guys planning to propose:

Don't.

My advice to guys who don’t follow my advice!

Now that you have planned to take the plunge (against my advice) you should know a few things about the intricacies of proposing.

1. The marriage proposal is supposed to be an ambush, you have to do it where they least expect you to. Choose public places so that it would be difficult for her to say no.
   
   
2. The most important thing is the engagement ring. The ring is usually hidden to add an element of surprise, there are however no rules governing where to hide it.
   
   You can hide it in a bouquet of flowers or hide it in her dinner, in a glass of champagne or her pizza dressing, in her chocolate ice-cream but don’t hide it in the bill! (In another world, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea for a romantic comedy… the waiter brings a $10,000 bill for a $100 meal. The girl looks into it and finds the cost of the ring included. Then she looks up a little confused and finds our loser kneeling down and proposing)
   
   
3. Don’t take the above point too literally. Hide the ring only in food, drinks or flowers but not in things that concern the other end of the digestive track because it might end up looking like this.
   
   
   
   
4. Don’t do it on the phone, or email or SMS. To give you a sense of proportion of how stupid it looks:
   
   
   
   
5. Don’t be completely honest, you might end up looking like this.
   
   
   
   
6. Don’t do it in a sports stadium because in case you are rejected, it’ll take some 15 years to get out of the trauma and by then your kids will be old enough to find this video in youtube.

Statutory Warning:

Do not take unsolicited career, relationship and medical advice from an amateur cartoonist.