September 3, 2010

Jesus Christ and Gul Panag are stalking me!

Jesus Christ and Gul Panag, I wonder what they have in common! I don’t personally know them but they don’t look like the kind of people that would hang out together on a Friday night, do they? (No offense Jesus!). Over the last weekend, I asked this question to myself over and over again! What do Gul Panag and Jesus Christ have in common?

Trust me on this one. When you are stalked by a celebrity and an alleged extra terrestrial in the same week, it is a little disturbing! Folks, I am not making this up. It is completely true and I shall prove it.

Whats the Deal with Gul Panag?

When I suggested to my friend that Gul Panag could be stalking me, he asked me why in the world would she do that? Well, here is my theory:
"Gul is smart and sexy. g2 has a great sense of humor and is in IIT. It’s entirely possible (and seems completely natural) that a lady like herself could fall madly and hopelessly in love with a dude like g2 after reading his blog! g2 may have ignored Gul when she came to IIT and out of desperation, she started stalking him!"
The theory may sound ridiculous but it’s not impossible. As a victim of stalking, I had to follow all leads I had. She “accidentally” ran into me yet again one fine Sunday afternoon and this time I thought I should put an end to it...

The accused has "tweeted" guilty your honor! I rest my case.

Where does Jesus come into the picture then?

Now Jesus… Jesus is a tough nut to crack. And to present my case, I have to digress a little. A lot of people ask me how I get ideas for my blog. Let me tell you this, it is not easy!

Typically, I “research” for about 4 or 5 hours a day! By research, I mean stumble upon something and then follow all link trails until I land into something “interesting”. By interesting, I mean something that is either inherently funny or something that can be made fun of! Once I get an idea, it takes about one or two weeks for it to mature and get shape and this usually happens with the help of very long discussions with my brother! Its a very long and intellectually arduous process but its totally worth it!

Now back to Jesus. A couple of days back, while doing my usual research, I had three tabs open in my browser. One was (I had no idea why I opened it!), the second was a comic from Abstruse Goose (someone shared it on Buzz) and the third was a movie website named Cine Blend!

Now what can “”, “Hollywood” and “Abstruse Goose” possibly have in common? Nothing (or that’s what I thought)! I was quickly ‘ctrl+tab’ing (shuffling) through the three tabs and there he was gazing at me with steely eyes with thick dark hair, flowing beard from the same ad placed in three totally unrelated webpages. Here are the screen shots.

Cinema blend!

the comic is not even related to religion or god!

Double whammy!
Jesus, for some esoteric reasons desperately wants to save me from something. I was like “Thanks man, I appreciate it but NO” but he was like “No, I insist that you click here to get saved” and I was like, “get the hell out of my browser dude!” and he just wouldn't leave... can you believe that?

I know it’s kind of uncanny but it can’t be a coincidence. That leaves only two explanations. It is divine intervention or Google ad sense really sucks! Whatever it was, it was really weird!
History shall thus remember the day when Jesus freaked the “bejesus” out of g2!

Next Steps 

Stalking is a serious offense and I thought I should report the matter to higher authorities. I tried to tweet his Dad – The Almighty God about this but he did not look like he really cared!

I thought Il Papa, The Pope might be of help here, he is after all human. So I logged into facebook to write on his wall (Yes, The Pope has a facebook page and his relationship status says “It’s Complicated”!).

His facebook page turned out to be so much fun that I totally forgot and forgave Jesus and I am now completely over it!
I recommend you to visit this page. It's a goldmine for comedians!
St. Paul says Hi and some weirdo talks about circumcision... This is only the beginning!
Why is everyone blessing the Pope? Isn't it supposed to work the other way round?
Next week on gtoosphere: How the Church is now sponsoring Atheist websites!

@Indibloggers... this post on indivine is here -->


  1. Can u give more details on ur encounter with gul panag?

  2. If you are so petrified by your stalkers? Can I keep the short hair one?

  3. @Addy: You don't get to choose her, she has to choose you! Besides you are not in IIT, so I don't see that happening :p

    try tweeting her.. she usually replies ;)

  4. Love your theory mote! It is possible! ;)

  5. haha! hilarious! I am surprised, Gul has not commented on this yet. That would be something. There was a twitter handle once made, cant find it no more. called @Jesus.

  6. yeah.. even I searched for Jesus on twitter but couldn't find it! Ever if he was there, I doubt if I'll "follow" him ;)

  7. Hahhaha...If you got stalked by Jesus on 3 webpages, I got stalked by the Limedomains[dot]com. Sometime back I was searching for a good read from Indiblogger and had mroe than 10 webpages open and each one had Limedomains[dot]com ad on them. And all were exactly the same size, the 250x250 size square ;) interesting? ;)

  8. I am so sorry for you.. I perfectly understand what you are going through :p
    Personally, I'd prefer being stalked by someone famous like Jesus :)

  9. He he... good one again !
    waiting for the next week one ! ........ sounds interesting ! :)

  10. hahaha... so modest of her! So, what is the conclusion? short hired ladies are stalkers?

  11. @Nikhil: thanks

    @Mohan: I am not making any gneralizing... I was just saying Gul might have a thing for me :)

  12. Oh My God...!!! How could u even think of writing both the names together ...forget drawing the connections! It was just super hilarious!!!!! :) :)

  13. you are the slowest person i have known!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG? WHY ON EARTH WOULD MAKE YOU COMPARE JESUS AND GUL?????!!!!!!!!???????????!!!???!!!!!!!!!?????

  14. My goodness! I just started going through your blog and this was absolutely hilarious...

    Jesus is stalking you?!? I can totally understand how it feels to be stalked by Jesus, I totally totally empathize with u...

    Now that this post is almost 4 years old, I ask you, is Jesus still stalking you? Let me know, maybe I can help u get rid of that trauma ;-)


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