Earth Day Message from C2

Don't be that guy - Jan

Don’t be that guy who thinks street food is unhealthy

Our parents, teachers, doctors and other noble professionals right from our childhoods told us that street food is not good for our health and that we should not eat pani puri, bhel puri, masala batani, samosas, kachoris, bajjis, peanuts, bhutta, pieces of raw mango, amla, pineapple and guava on the roadside because they might be unhygienic.

Yes, it is true. We would be better off by completely avoiding them but what we have done is we replaced the unhygienic roadside food with a more hygienic combo of Lays, French fries, kaati rolls, burgers, and aerated drinks at fast food joints and there lies the irony.

The worst thing that can happen to you if you eat pani puri of questionable integrity is an upset stomach and maybe a little inconvenience to roommates/family members for a couple days. That is it. It is completely treatable and our immunity system may even get a little robust in the process but regular consumption of processed foods like chips, French fries and colas give us obesity, makes us susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, kidney problems...

You see the difference?

If you eat pani puri twice a day for five days in a row, your body tells you're doing too much pani puri. Your stomach makes a 'I-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this' noise on the sixth day and you'll automatically stay away from it for a few weeks. There is no such biological red signal for too much Pepsi.

Street food is unhygienic. Fast food is unhealthy.

Middleclass doublethink

Don't be that guy who drives a super bike in the city

Just because your bike can go from 0 – 60 in 5.2 seconds doesn't mean you should do it on Bannerghatta Road. Dude, don't get me wrong. The bike your father gifted you can zoom at 220 KMPH on an abandoned airstrip and that is awesome. It literally inspires awe in my mind.

Having said that, I feel it is my duty to point out that on city roads you come across as a source of attention-seeking noise pollution. You may want to work on that. The way you startle uncles on Honda Activas by overtaking them in your typical rich kid my-dad-has-connections-so-I-can-hit-and-run-and-no-one-will-arrest-me driving style doesn't help at all. You may want to work on that too.

Don’t be that guy thinks anyone who hasn’t shaved in 2 weeks is depressed

No, they aren't. They're just too lazy to shave.

Don't be that guy who promptly changes the date at midnight

It's the next day only when
i) You have slept and woke up
OR
ii) There is sunlight

Don't be that guy who tells the driver how to drive

This happens a lot doesn't it?

Some people just instinctively take that responsibility to critique the driver, constantly giving him constructive feedback and instructions to the driver... “overtake the bus” “nice turn” “ikkada left” “speed breaker” “switch to the right lane” “now slow down...” “look at that asshole!” “horn kottu.. horn kottu” “put 4th gear” “goyya undi choosuko” “Tchah! We would've crossed the bridge by now if you switched to the right lane then.” ...

Self-appointed captains of the ship these people are. And while parking or reversing... the only time when the driver actually needs his help, they're on their dumb phones!

Don’t be that guy who dislikes cats because they are not loyal

Okay, what makes you think that animals should be loyal to humans?

Why do humans deserve loyalty from animals? Look at what you are doing to us. There are barely any large mammals left on the planet. Those that are still alive are imprisoned in “National parks” and “Forest reserves” where you poach them one by one. You kill them for their fur, for their horns, for their teeth, for their ivory, for their skin, for their balls and sometimes just for fun. These things are not even required for your survival! That is why animals in what you call "the wild" don’t trust you.

And look at the lives of animals that obey you. Bulls for instance have evolved in nature to graze all day in large groups on open grasslands occasionally defending themselves from a hunting tiger or a pack of wolves. You domesticated them and for the last ten thousand years, you’ve been cutting off their balls, making them plough your fields, pull your carts and generally torturing them for your needs from the moment they are born to the day their bodies are too old for that kind of slavery. And after you extract everything from them, you replace them with the next generation. It’s the same story with chicken, horses, pigs, sheep, donkeys and pretty much every species that is obedient to humans. This process gets unimaginably horrifying with the rise of mechanized food production. This is what happens to animals when they trust you.

Dogs are the only species to have benefited from showing loyalty to humans. Dogs not your best friends. They are your only friends. The rest of the animal community considers them back-stabbing sons of bitches anyway.

Hey, we don't use that sort of language on this blog.

What? All dogs are either bitches or sons of bitches. It's biology!

Psst. Check this out - http://win.blogadda.com/view-blogs-voting/humor_satire/gtoosphere/

Genie's cat

My Worst Nightmare

Bike

In case you have trouble visualizing Newton's argument, this is what Newton meant by "hands acting as a natural suspension drastically reducing the contact area"

P.S:
Aristotle and Plato sketch by delboysb91
Newton's caricature taken from http://bit.ly/9ZscX
The Telugu comic by Bnim: http://www.telugucartoon.com/bnim.php 

Inventions S1E02: Facebook Tourists

Like I said, I am going to invent new words and phrases all week!

Facebook Tourist: Definition

You’re on the beach on a beautiful sunny day. The air is cool and the sun is warm. Gentle waves are crashing against the cliffs on the horizon while the seagulls are playfully flying around in circles. Walking along the beach, the bright sun is just hot enough to cover you in an invisible blanket of warmth. The big beautiful ocean invites you to take a swim in the crystal waters with each wave. 

As you walk barefooted through the warm golden sand, the gentle waves kiss your feet harmonically while tiny shiny sea shells tickle you randomly. You instinctively spread your arms and take a deep breath and for the first time in years, feel one with nature. And then your friend says, “Mama, tu idhar ek photu nikaal re. Facebook pe ye chadayetho… likes pe likes udaayenge bolroon mein!”

We are all Facebook Tourists at some level or the other. Nothing inherently wrong with that! But a real Facebook Tourist takes it up to an entirely different level. For a true Facebook Tourist, beauty, history or significance of the place are irrelevant for most part. Whether they are on a Himalayan peak staring into the curvature of the Earth’s horizon or on top of the Eiffel Tower sipping champagne at sunset, at a serene temple in South India or in the gas chamber at the holocaust museum, the only thought that goes in their head is “If I give Titanic pose here, will it look cool aa?” 

A special mention here goes to people who upload pictures of them while they are eating. Enough has been said about them all over the internet. I am just mentioning them here to tell them that they belong in this category! 

How to Spot a Facebook Tourist?

It is not really difficult to spot a Facebook Tourist. I am sure many of your friends are Facebook Tourists themselves. So I’ll leave you with a partial list.

• They typically have 242 profile pictures with the same expression but different backgrounds 
• They feel that their trip is wasted if the photos don’t come out well 
• They prefer recording Diwali celebrations with a handycam instead of actually celebrating Diwali
• The only reason they visit the Leaning Tower of Pisa is to pose on the grass nearby trying to make the monument look like an erection! 

Home Work: Look through your Facebook News Feed to identify more characteristics of Facebook Tourists. Share them with the world (preferably in the comments or on the Facebook page)

P.S: SMBC pretty much nailed this thing long long back!

P.P.S: You may want to check out Episode 1 of this series here Inventions S1E01

The State of Affairs

James Bond in Live and Let Die

Super villains of the good old times always tried to kill the awesome hero (and heroine) by tying him up to a pole and dramatically lowering him in slow motion into a shark tank with some extra piranhas. While the hero's dramatic descent into certain death happens, the super villain explains his super evil plan which is usually launching/procuring some new kind of weapon system (while the heroine screams) and the evil speech ends with, "And the world shall be mine! Muhuhhaa muhuhaha... "

The story as usual ends with the defeated super villain swearing revenge (for a sequel) and the as-awesome-as-ever hero riding/walking/driving into the sunset (with the heroine in his arms) while the sharks are left hungry (No one cares for the sharks) and the world -- saved once again! 

Sketch by Jason Casey

Look at the really bad ass villains these days. Hannibal Lecter, The Joker... have you noticed that the super bad-ass villains of today don’t want to rule the world? Isn’t that slightly disturbing? Right now, the planet is so screwed up that even the super villains have given up their global ambitions of taking over it and have resorted to becoming psychos who kill women and children just for the fun of it! 

The funny thing is, the lack of ambitions among super villains reflects poorly on the super heroes! While the awesome hero of the good old times often saved the world from nuclear holocaust/“communism”/descent into anarchy, all that the super hero of today does is bring things back to normal. Maintain status quo! 

And status quo is a world with super power countries waging imperial wars to control oil and other natural resources so that the evil corporations and greedy corporations can continue to draw lavish paychecks while destroying the world economy. How lame is that?

Bloggy Valentine

P.S: comment if you find any typos in the comic.

New Year Post

P.S: Happy New Year